Anyone in a leadership role has likely encountered a challenging employee at some point. However, the real issue often isn’t with differing personalities or outright negative behaviors, but rather with employees who are unaware of their own negative actions. This kind of behavior can even affect other team members. It’s essential to take a proactive approach in addressing this. Here are some tips to help you get started!
Get Straight to the Conversation
The first question you should ask yourself is: Why is this person being difficult? Do you understand their motivations? Typically, negative behaviors stem from underlying issues or are triggered by certain factors. A good starting point is to arrange a one-on-one conversation with the individual involved.
This conversation should take place as soon as possible after the negative behavior has been observed. Delaying it too long can inadvertently reinforce the behavior. However, addressing it early typically proves effective in curbing the issue. During the meeting, the primary goal is to determine if there is an underlying problem contributing to the behavior. Is it related to a work-related or personal issue, or are other team members triggering the stress response? The reasons for negative behavior can be varied. The aim of this initial discussion is to identify these causes in a gentle, non-judgmental way. It’s important to avoid giving the impression that you view the person negatively as you work to understand the root of their behavior.
Embrace the Role of a Guiding Coach
If, during the conversation, the underlying reasons for the observed behavior become clear, the leader should offer assistance by stepping into the role of a coach. The focus here is not to provide specific suggestions for improvement but to encourage self-reflection through thoughtful questions, which can lead to behavioral change. It is crucial to approach the employee without judgment and maintain a supportive attitude. The goal is to motivate the employee toward positive change and actionable steps, without providing them with the exact answers.
This exercise should guide the employee to a point where they can recognize how their behavior negatively impacts both their own performance and that of the team.
Here are some helpful questions to get you started:
- How do you think your behavior, XY, affects others?
- To what extent do the reactions of others to your behavior, XY, provoke negative feelings in you?
- Do you notice this behavior outside of work as well?
- Is there a reason behind this behavior? Why do you believe it benefits you?
- What triggers this behavior in you?
- What do you think will happen if this behavior continues to impact your communication?
It’s important to avoid sounding overly patronizing. This conversation should be conducted on equal terms, in an open, friendly, and professional manner. Once you’ve established that the behavior is fundamentally negative, you can begin working on a plan to help transform it into a more positive approach moving forward.
You should also assist the team member by addressing the following questions:
- What steps can you take to reduce this behavior?
- How will you recognize the success of these steps?
- How can you increase your motivation to achieve this goal?
Consequences of Feedback
Sometimes, asking questions alone may not be sufficient. Not everyone has a strong capacity for self-reflection, or there may be other reasons that prevent effective communication. In such cases, it is crucial to deliver feedback in a clear and concrete manner. Before doing so, it’s important to ask for permission to share an observation with the individual.
This is a classic approach to initiating feedback and has proven effective in fostering a mindset of being open to receiving feedback. After providing the feedback, it’s important to clearly define what will be considered acceptable behavior moving forward. Ideally, a plan should be created outlining how to achieve this shared goal and how progress can be measured.
Finally, you must carefully consider what you can do to motivate the individual to change their behavior. Ideally, these should be positive consequences, but depending on the situation, they may also involve certain restrictions to minimize the negative impact on the team. As a leader, it’s also important to create a temporary pause, allowing the responsibility to shift back to the employee. This approach will not only encourage accountability but also help you preserve and protect your own boundaries.