Conflicts often arise from miscommunications or an inability to clearly express needs and boundaries. By improving your communication skills, you can significantly reduce conflicts in your life. If you find yourself frequently involved in conflicts due to communication breakdowns, or if you hold a leadership position where misunderstandings are common, learning to clarify your messages can help eliminate confusion, mixed signals, and frustration. Drawing from the teachings of Gestalt instructor Paul Barber, here are four steps to ensure your communication is clear.
Clarify Your Intentions
Whether you’re making a request or expressing a need, it’s important to state your intentions clearly and directly. Avoiding directness can often lead to misunderstandings. By being upfront about your intentions, you reduce the risk of miscommunication.
Ask these questions:
- Am I speaking as though I’m giving a lecture instead of expressing my immediate needs?
- Am I disguising a request as a search for information?
Be Direct
Once you’ve stated your intention, continue to express your point in the clearest, most direct manner. Avoid over-explaining unless it’s necessary for the situation. Use simple language and resist the urge to add unnecessary details.
Focus on the How, Not the Why
Concentrate on how you want your needs to be met and how you want things to be done, rather than explaining why. Often, we dwell on the “why” to justify ourselves, but this can divert from the main issue. By focusing on the “how,” you’re providing more clarity and actionable information.
Engage in Dialogue
Strive to engage in a two-way conversation, actively listen, and be open to any response. Avoid monologuing or speaking at someone for extended periods. Be clear about your intentions, requests, and needs, and be ready to listen and discuss. Whether you’re improving communication with a partner, spouse, or engaging more effectively with employees or your team, these principles can help you achieve better results, reduce misunderstandings, and foster stronger communication. If being direct, setting boundaries, or asking for what you need is challenging, consider working with a coach on these areas as personal goals. By enhancing your own communication skills, you can also inspire and support others in doing the same.