Emotions are complex and multi-layered, shaped not only by our individual experiences but also by our upbringing, including family and cultural influences. As humans, we possess basic biological needs that, when threatened, naturally evoke authentic emotional responses. For example, joy arises when our needs are met, and sadness occurs when we face loss. While specific situations may trigger emotions aligned with our needs, social conditioning can sometimes distort these responses, leading to emotions that do not fully align with our underlying needs.
The Influence of Childhood Conditioning on Emotions
From an early age, some children are taught—explicitly or implicitly—that expressing certain emotions, like anger, is unacceptable within their family dynamics. Conversely, emotions like sadness may be met with support and consolation from adults. As a result, when these children grow into adults, they may struggle to express anger (often linked to feelings of harm) and instead become more accustomed to expressing sadness (associated with loss). In some cases, suppressed anger can manifest in alternative ways, such as extreme fatigue or persistent tiredness.
Racket emotions tend to be more socially acceptable.
The concept of racket emotions, also known as “parasite” feelings, originates from transactional analysis, a theory developed by Eric Berne, an American psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. In transactional analysis, a “racket” refers to the suppression of a genuine, authentic emotion, which is then replaced by a more socially acceptable emotion or behavior. These racket emotions are essentially disguised feelings that emerge as a substitute for the authentic ones, often seeking acknowledgment and validation.
The Benefits of Understanding Authentic and Racket Emotions
Connecting with our authentic emotions is profoundly valuable. These emotions serve as natural signals to protect us and can also provide reassurance when a situation is safe. For instance, fear is an authentic response if a car is speeding toward you while you’re in the street. Similarly, anger is an authentic reaction when someone violates a personal boundary. Failing to recognize these genuine emotions may lead to experiencing “racket” emotions or socially conditioned responses, like guilt or shame, which might not align with your true needs. Learning to express authentic emotions, such as anger, is essential for effective problem-solving and identifying appropriate solutions to challenges.
Every situation elicits an emotion that reflects an underlying need seeking fulfillment. When the expressed emotion is incongruent with the situation or the actual need, the need remains unmet, often creating a sense of unease or dissatisfaction. Over time, this misalignment can strengthen suppressed or hidden emotions, making it increasingly challenging to recognize and address the genuine needs driving those feelings.
For managers, it is crucial to observe and reflect on their emotions to uncover the authentic feelings driving their behavior. By understanding these core emotions, managers can better navigate their own responses and interactions. An important part of a manager’s role is to encourage employees to recognize and name their emotions, fostering an environment where all emotions are accepted, provided they are expressed appropriately. Additionally, managers can guide employees in exploring and expressing emotions like anger through non-violent communication practices, promoting healthy and constructive dialogue in the workplace.
Exercise: Uncovering and Understanding Your Inner Emotions
Throughout your day, take time to tune into your inner self and observe what’s happening within:
- Take Note of the Situation: Observe your surroundings and your internal state. How does your body feel? What discomfort or sensations do you notice?
- Reflect on the Preceding Moment: Write down what happened just before you began feeling this way. What was the trigger or event?
- Explore the Emotional Impact: Consider how the situation affected you. What thoughts, memories, or feelings did it bring up?
- Identify the Basic Emotion: Pinpoint the core emotion you’re experiencing—fear, anger, sadness, joy, or disgust.
Recognize the “racket” emotions you rely on to mask your true feelings.
- What are the emotions you tend to experience most frequently—your “go-to” feelings? These might include frustration, guilt, or shame.
- Are there instances where the emotions you feel don’t seem to align with the situation that triggered them?
- How do you feel about emotions you tend to avoid? For example, do you find it challenging to express emotions like anger or fear?
Pay attention to the emotions and behaviors of others and consider whether they reflect authentic feelings or “racket” feelings. This exercise isn’t about dismissing or invalidating someone’s experience, but rather about gaining insight into the deeper, genuine emotions they may be experiencing.