Listening attentively to others can be more challenging than it appears. In this article, you’ll discover how to deepen your listening skills by exploring the three levels of listening according to the co-active model.
Are You Truly Listening?
When someone is speaking, are you really paying attention to what they’re saying, or are you focused on what you’ll say next—or even worse, thinking about what’s for dinner?
Listening deeply to others can be more challenging than we expect. Fortunately, there are models and methods that can help us understand the different levels of listening, allowing us to become more aware of our own listening habits—and potentially adjust them to become a truly attentive listener for others.
The co-active model describes three ways to focus your attention in order to enhance or strengthen your listening skills.
Level 1: Listening to Yourself
The first level involves focusing entirely on your own internal thoughts, such as judgments, opinions, and worries. Your attention is absorbed by your inner monologue, where you’re either reaffirming your views or steering the conversation back to yourself with a “me too” type of response.
This is how many of us listen most of the time—we hear the words, but we’re often just waiting for our turn to speak, or our mind drifts elsewhere entirely.
Level 2: Attentive Listening
The second level is your receiving channel, where the focus shifts from yourself to the other person. You are fully present with them, truly observing and understanding their perspective. At this level, there is an emotional connection—a mental “leaning-in” driven by curiosity and a desire to absorb every word. The message becomes deeply important to you.
You might think or say, “I didn’t know that,” or “Tell me more.” This approach shows the other person that you are genuinely listening, which makes them feel heard, appreciated, trusted, and valued. Listening in this way helps to strengthen trust in relationships.
Level 3: Comprehensive Listening
At the third level, your focus expands to the broader environment. You become aware of factors that influence the mood in the room and remain attuned to whatever is wanting to emerge, either within you or in the surroundings. This can include something as subtle as noticing the temperature or background sounds.
It can also go much deeper: What emotions are present? What is the underlying mood? What’s being left unsaid?
All of this information is accessible through the energetic field that surrounds us in all our relationships. This is the most powerful way to listen, as it requires genuine focus to tune in at such a deep level.
With a bit of practice, we can learn to truly listen and minimize the interference of our own mental chatter (Level 1). The following section offers guidance to help you begin practicing this skill.
Practice
Shifting Between Levels
In your next conversation, pay attention to which level you’re on while listening to your conversation partner. Then, try shifting to a different level and observe what changes as a result.
Observe the Atmosphere
The next time you’re in a public space (like a train, a restaurant, or an open work area), try to observe the emotional atmosphere of the room. There are countless words to describe what’s happening, though none will be an exact fit. Practicing this will help sharpen your listening skills.
Take a Pause
Take a pause at least twice a day and ask yourself which level you are currently at.