Develop the ability to identify different levels of listening, enhancing your skills to become a more effective listener for others.
The Importance of Feeling Acknowledged
Every person has a fundamental need to be seen and acknowledged as a unique individual. For a child to thrive and grow into a happy and healthy individual, both physiological and psychological support are equally essential. This need for recognition continues to be important even in adulthood.
Transactional Analysis and the Concept of “Strokes”
Eric Berne and Claude Steiner, pioneers of Transactional Analysis, introduced the term “strokes” to describe any form of social interaction that acknowledges another person’s presence. The term carries a dual meaning: it can signify either “a blow” or “a caress.” This duality highlights the human preference for receiving even negative recognition, such as criticism (a “blow”), over being ignored entirely, as it fulfills the basic need for acknowledgment.
The Importance of Strokes in the Workplace
In a professional setting, recognition is a powerful motivator, affirming that individuals’ contributions are valued. However, many managers, across generations, believe there is no need to thank or compliment employees for merely fulfilling their job responsibilities. This mindset can lead to decreased motivation, high turnover, and a negative workplace atmosphere. It is essential for managers to provide meaningful recognition to each team member. The impact of positive recognition is greatest when it is relevant, appropriately measured, well-deserved, and sincerely delivered.
The Use of Strokes in Practice
Recognition, or “strokes,” can be classified into various categories:
- Conditional: Given when the recipient has met specific expectations or performed a particular action.
Example: Acknowledging someone for completing a task successfully. - Unconditional: Offered without any conditions, recognizing the individual for who they are rather than what they do.
Example: Compliments on appearance or inherent talents. - Verbal: Expressed through spoken or written words.
Example: Saying “Great job!” or writing a note of appreciation. - Non-verbal: Conveyed through actions or gestures.
Example: A smile, a nod, or a pat on the back.
Strokes can be:
- Given: Actively offering recognition to others.
- Received: Accepting recognition from others.
- Refused: Declining recognition, particularly unconditional strokes.
- Requested: Seeking acknowledgment from others.
Additionally, strokes can be self-directed, allowing individuals to acknowledge and validate themselves.
As discussed in this article, the quality of recognition is just as important as the quantity when giving signs of acknowledgment to others. To improve how you give strokes, start by reflecting on your current approach. Ask yourself: “When do I give out strokes? Are they conditional or unconditional? Are they positive or negative?” Once you’ve assessed your current practice, you can choose how to adjust your approach to align with your goals.
By recognizing others in the right way, you can significantly enhance their motivation and create a more positive and supportive environment.